DEACON, WILL YOU INTERVIEW MY BOYFRIEND?

Some years ago one of my nieces introduced me to her boyfriend. She had described him to me and from what I heard, I thought he was probably a “nice enough guy.” I got on the phone with him and intuitively out from this Uncle Tom’s mouth came,

“Young man, you sound like a nice guy. And I hope you don’t mind me asking but, what are your intentions with my precious niece?”

Him: Silence…

Me: “Your intentions are good, right?”

Him: “Oh yes sir!”

Me: “And you enjoy keeping company with her?”

Him: “Pardon me…”

Me: “You enjoy being with her / spending time with her?”

Him: “Yes sir.”

Me: “Good. And You want her to be happy?”

Him: “Yes sir, I do.”

Me: “Great. Now I don’t know whether you’ve ever thought about this but, … Would you like to know that she’ll get to heaven some day?”

Him: “Ummmmmmm, yeah?”

Me: “Ok, great. How do you plan to help her to get there?”

Him: Silence…”Um pray for her?’

Me: “Sure, what else?”

Him: “Be a good example?”

Me: “you’re off to a good start.”

…The above dialog is typical, especially when I get to the question, “How do you plan to help her to get there (to heaven)”. What I really want is for the boy (and the girl) to think about, discuss and really work on the question, what it means for them and how they can apply it to the relationship (hopefully God is a part of the equation.)

Let’s fast forward several years and now Deacon Gotschall has developed a reputation with the young ladies of the parish who now routinely ask him (me) to interview their boyfriends. And I gladly do so.

Not too long ago when a college-aged parishioner was back home on semester break, she introduced her boyfriend to me after Mass. Intuitively I went into my routine. When I got to the question “How do you plan to help her to get there (to heaven)?” the young man had just about swallowed his tongue. She, meanwhile had the look toward me of a daughter-figure to a man who was willing to protect her.

Quick to notice when a fellow aspiring gentleman is in distress, I softened the pain with a witty, “Hey now, that was a great question, wasn’t it?”

To which the young man replies, “Whoa, that came out’a nowhere!”

This offered me the opportunity to invite further discussion so I said, “It’s just about lunchtime, I suggest you two kids have something to talk about over lunch, don’t you?”… and I looked at each of them.

Oh, did I say that the girlfriend’s mom was in earshot of all this? Well, she had her pom poms pulled out of her purse cheering me on…

Two days later I got a Facebook message with a letter attached. With permission, here’s what it said (names redacted of course…),

Deacon Tom,

I met you this weekend, after the 10:30 mass. You may remember me as _________________ boyfriend.

Anyway, you asked me a question that I was unable to answer on the spot, and that has bothered me a bit. “How do you plan on helping her get to Heaven?” I didn’t mind the question. It was an appropriate question to ask about someone you care about. What bothers me was the fact that I was not able to answer it.

That caused me to do a bit of thinking and a fair amount of prayer, in order to answer your question. I don’t want you to think of me as “the kid that was left speechless.” I plan on being a part of ______________ life for a long time, and I want to have a better impression than that.

I plan on helping her get to Heaven by helping her to fully become the woman that God created her to be. When she and I started this relationship, we made it a point to pray very intently not that this relationship works but, rather, that God’s will be done, through our relationship. That being said, I truly hope that this works out because in these few months, I have grown to love her very much. She helps me grow in my faith and challenges me to be a better man of God every single day. I only pray that I am able to do the same for her.

I am doing my very best to support her in every way that one person can support another, but I understand that I cannot do it alone. I need God’s help. I pray for her every single day. I thank God for the gift that she is, but I know that no amount of prayer will ever be enough. She is truly a blessing in my life, and I wanted you to know that.

You may not even remember the brief conversation we had. That is fine. However, I thank you for asking me that question because it forced me to really think about it. I love that girl, and I am willing to do what ever it takes, in order to make her a better person, the woman she is called to be. If that road leads to she and I being together, splendid, If not, I will still be there, praying for her.

I hope this did not come as standoffish. I just wanted you to know that I truly care for her, and that I am dedicated to helping her reach the goal that we all strive for, eternal salvation.

In Christ, _____________________________

I certainly did remember the conversation and here was my reply,

Dear ______________

I read your letter with great interest and am very enthused by your thoughtful reply.

My point, while risky with someone as yourself, whom I’d never met before, was to promote discussion between you and ______________________ and not so much to be impressive (or to be impressed).

Consider yourself in intensive sacramental formation at this time. Should your relationship with _____________________ move toward marriage (and I’d guess that, from the tone of your letter to me, while under-stated, you may be considering it), you’ll want to be fully equipped for this ministry (note who the ministers are at a wedding).

I’m honored to have been introduced to you and will pray for God’s love to grace-fill your life. Let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you. I’d be happy to stay in contact as well.

Peace in Christ,

Deacon Tom Gotschall

We have continued the conversation over time and, well, I don’t want to give too much away except that “wedding bells” are in the plans for “the kids”.

Offering “interviewing service” is one of the real joys of ministry.

Developing…